


Valentine's Day

by Potatomuff



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anxiety, Confusion, Fluff, Happy Ending, Love Letters, M/M, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 09:18:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13678773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Potatomuff/pseuds/Potatomuff
Summary: "A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you."-Elbert Hubbard





	Valentine's Day

_ Dear Evan Hansen, _

_ This feels fucking stupid but it's the only way I could say any of the shit I'm about to write, so a letter is going to have to do.  _

_ This is supposed to be like a love letter, I guess? God, this sounds so stupid.  _

_ Fuck, okay. _

_ You're cute. Stupidly cute. You probably don't agree (you're too hard on yourself, I know you can't help it), but I say so and I'm always right so just accept that you're cute. Or handsome, if cute offends you. You're both, so either way works. _

  


_ Anyways. _

  


_ You're a lot of things.  _

_ Cute. Funny. Amazing. Smart. Loving. Too kind to be real. Adorable. Passionate about the strangest (but coolest) things.  _

_ Evan, you're wonderful in so many ways you don't see. Maybe because you  _ **_can't_ ** _ see.  _

_ So, I've decided to write you 14 letters leading up to Valentine's Day so maybe you can feel confident and cherished. Because you are.  _

_ Cherished, I mean. You're not very confident which, while cute, kind of breaks my heart? But I know you can't help it and I don't blame you. _

  


_ Back to the task at hand. 14 letters. This is the first. If this is super fucking creepy (it sure feels like it might be), just like...leave a mark of some kind on the outside of your locker, I guess, and I'll get the hint and leave you alone. _

  


_ So yeah. Letter one.  _

  


_ I should go before I make this letter more of a trainwreck. _

  


_ Stand a little taller. You deserve to feel tall every now and then. _

  


_ Sincerely, Me. _

  


Evan shoved the note back into his bag. It's edges were already starting to crumple from how many times he'd read it since finding it in his locker that morning. At first, he thought it might be a prank. But reading it, re-reading even, it didn't seem like a prank. It seemed like a note someone had meant for him to find, intended to cheer him up instead of put him down or prank him.

Just in case though, he hadn't shown it to anyone. Not that he had many people to show it to, anyways. He definitely wouldn't tell Jared about it. If he did, he would be teased mercilessly or he'd get told it was just a prank after all, some stupid joke meant to embarrass him. 

So, he kept it a secret and went about his day like it was normal. 

  


And the next day, if he got to school early to check his locker, well, that really wasn't anyone else's business.

  


When he saw that there was another letter in his locker, despite his previous doubts, he was glad he had gotten to school before nearly anyone else. 

  


After glancing both ways to ensure no one else would see the letter and potentially ask questions, he unfolded the piece of paper.

  
  


_ Here it goes, Letter #2. _

_ Today I wanted to get more specific and talk about how  _ **_you_ ** _ talk. _

_ Usually, you don’t talk. You seem to prefer keeping to yourself, which is a damn shame, in my opinion.  _

_ I love hearing you talk, Evan.  _

_ About trees, or physics homework, or the book we all had to read for English that we all hated, except for you. You were able to find the good parts of it. You’re good at that, finding the good parts of things, or people. _

_ I could listen to you talk all day. You get excited over the smallest things, and it makes me want to be excited with you.  _

_ I know you hate that you stutter, but I find it sort of endearing. Besides, you don’t stutter as much when you’re more comfortable with someone, as I found out. _

  


_ I feel like I’m revealing too much in these things already, but I can’t help it. Or, I guess I  _ **_can_ ** _. I could stop writing these or delete the stuff that could lead you to me, but… I think maybe I want you to find out it’s me. I have the tiniest sliver of hope that maybe you feel the same, just maybe. _

  


_ Anyways.  _

_ Enough sappy bullshit for today, right? _

  


_ Talk as much as you want today and know that someone will be happy to listen to all that you have to say. _

  


_ Sincerely, Me. _

  


The letters that followed for the next 3 days consisted of complimenting how he looked in blue, how smart they thought he was, and how he walked. 

  


Evan kept each one in a small box on his bedside table. 

  


Part of him really was hoping that someone might actually think all of these things about him. 

  


Another part of him still thought it was some prank, maybe staged by Jared. He would let it go on for almost a week before telling Evan, embarrassing him and reminding him how alone he would be on the most stereotypically romantic day of the year, despite being single himself.

  


That was why he hadn’t told Jared yet. 

Even when the first week of letters passed, all carefully tucked away out of sight, he hadn’t told Jared. 

And, because they had become a part of his daily routine so easily, he had forgotten about the bizarre scenario in which he was receiving them. 

So, when Jared was over on the Wednesday before Valentine’s day, the day Evan had gotten his 7th letter, he didn’t think to hide them.

  


“‘The fact that you’re willing to go out of your way for someone else, despite your anxiety, makes my heart ache. You’re such a good person, it’s almost incomprehensible. I wish I was as good of a person as you are. You probably think I’m some delinquent criminal or something. I wish you liked me the way I like you.’ 

Dude, what the fuck is this? This is some next level Romeo and Juliet angsty love letter shit! Who wrote this? No, wait, let me guess, the girl in our math class that draws on her arms all hour? Or the dude with asthma who always has those weird ass veggie straws in his lunch that his mom totally packs for him? Or did  _ you  _ write them and you planned on showing me how awesome someone thought you were?” Jared was red in the face from laughing, carrying all 7 of Evan’s treasured letters indelicately crumpled in his fists.

  


Evan was standing in a heartbeat, running to grab the letters from Jared.

“N-No! I didn’t w-write them! And I don’t know  _ who  _ wrote them yet, they aren’t s-signed!”

Jared all but threw the letters at him, still laughing.

“You honestly expect me to believe that someone is writing you anonymous love letters and really thinks all this shit about you? Dude, grow up, I’m not that much of an idiot!”

  


“J-Just stop! They were supposed to be a secret!  _ My secret!  _ If I wanted you to r-read them, I would have told you about them! I  _ knew  _ this would happen, unless it was all a joke you made up! I d-didn’t tell you about them for a reason, I didn’t want to give you another reason to make fun of me!” Evan was holding the letters close to his chest, looking like he was about to cry. 

  


Jared appeared to be taken aback, but tried to wave off how upset Evan was.

“Jesus, don’t start hyperventilating, you know I was only kidding, right? Well, for the most part. There’s no way someone actually thinks all that romantic bullshit about you! You know that, right?”

  


Evan took a deep breath and kept his eyes cast down at the floor.

“I think you should go home now.”

  


Jared snorted. 

“Dude, we’re in the middle of a level, just chill out and forget about whatever  _ this  _ was.”

  


“Please leave. I-I can call your mom and tell her what you just s-said, or you can just leave, right now.” Evan maintained his view of the floor but spoke in a surprisingly firm voice.

  


“...Okay. Whatever you say, I guess. See you at school, or whatever.”

With an eyeroll, Jared grabbed his bag and headed to the door. 

“Remind me not to try and spare your feelings next time.”

  


After Evan was positive he had left, he went upstairs and carefully smoothed each letter out before re-folding them and putting them back in the box on his nightstand. 

Then he texted the only other person he would consider a friend at that point.

  


**E: Connor?**

**C: in the flesh**

**E: Haha...yeah. So...what are you doing right now? Anything fun or…?**

**C: as in right this second? getting shoes on to come to your house, since something isn’t right. why, what are YOU doing?**

**E: Getting snacks out to thank you when you get here**

**C: what a lifesaver**

**E: Thank you.**

**C: anytime, Evan.**

  


They didn't say much for the first half hour or so, quietly eating snacks and mindlessly watching cartoons. 

Surprisingly, it was Connor who broke the silence.

  


“So...wanna talk about whatever happened before I got here?”

  


Evan shrugged and sank further into the couch cushions. 

Connor nudged Evan's leg with his foot. 

“C’mon. You know it'll make you feel better. Besides...this is one of our goals, right? Communication. So talk to me. The silence is driving me fucking crazy.”

  


Evan finally grumbled in agreement. “Fine. But you can't laugh or anything, or...I don't know. I'll make you leave, too.”

  


“‘ _ Too? _ ’”

  


“Shh!” 

  


Still confused, he conceded and sat back to quietly listen.

  


“I've been getting these...letters. And they're really nice! I-I mean...they say really nice things and make me feel better. I thought they were a prank at first, or some joke from Jared but...they kept coming. I have seven now and I kept them all by my bed so they wouldn’t get ruined or anything. But I guess Jared found them and...I don't know. Maybe they are a joke. Who w-would say any of this stuff about  _ me? _ ” 

  


Connor was picking at the couch cushion quietly, finally looking up when Evan trailed off.

  


“I'm gonna say some stuff you won't agree with but you need to just…listen. Okay?” 

  


Evan shrugged and nodded. 

“Okay.”

  


“So here's the thing. Jared? He's an asshole. He likes making you feel bad so that he feels better. You don't just  _ stumble across _ letters like that. He had to go poking around in your room to find something to hold against you. Friends don't do that shit. I'd  _ never- _ ” Shaking his head, he takes a breath and grabs at the couch cushion once again.

“I wouldn't do something like that to you. No matter what. And...we're friends. Right?”

  


Evan scoots closer and lays a comforting hand on his back.

“We're friends. And I know you wouldn't do anything like that…”

  


“Okay. That's...good. Uh, next thing. The letters themselves. Evan...the person writing them thinks highly of you. Whatever they're writing, I doubt it's a joke. People don't waste hours writing anonymous love letters just ‘cause. They like you, Evan. They see everything good about you that you can't. Don't give up on them yet, okay?”

  


Evan nodded and let his hand drop from its place on Connor’s back. 

“Okay. Could….do you care if we keep watching cartoons? I'm sort of tired of talking for today…”

  


“Yeah, of course. And I mean it, okay Evan? I can tell they aren't a prank.”

  


Evan turned back to the TV and shrugged. 

“Okay. Thank you for...this. And everything else.” 

  


“Don't worry about it. That's what friends are for.”

  
  
  


Letter 8 talked about how trusting and kind he always was, how he gave second chances to everyone,even if they didn't deserve it. 

It was stored along with the other 7, kept as safe as possible. 

  


Letter 9 talked about his eyes. 

_ They remind me of the sea and the sky and endless possibilities (super fucking cheesy, but true). I could drown in your eyes and I wouldn't mind.  _

He spent half the morning blushing.

  


**Evan: I got another one**

**Connor: that's good. does jared know?**

**Evan: I'm not really talking to him**

**Evan: I mean, I'm not at all**

**Evan: So no, he doesn't.**

**Connor: it's fine for you to be mad at people, you know. it's nice for it to be you and not me all the time.**

**Evan: You aren't always mad. You're doing a lot better and you and I both know it.**

**Connor: yeah yeah. are you free after school? there's a weird rainforest cafe that just opened and i think you'd get a kick out of it**

**Evan: Rainforest cafe??** **Definitely yes.**

**Connor: cool, i’ll meet you at your locker**

  
  


Letter 10 talked about how he got excited and “animated" when he talked about things he liked, such as nature. It talked about how much his secret admirer liked to watch him be happy. 

  
  


Letter 11 talked about some of his nervous habits, like tugging at the bottom of his shirt or his hoodie strings, and how he did them less around people he was more comfortable with. The letter even mentioned some nervous habits of the author, like messing with their hair and picking at their nails or nail polish. 

Evan thought the author was most likely a girl. 

And if he was disappointed...well, he couldn't tell you why. 

  
  


Letter 12 talked about how he “radiated happiness", which Evan didn't agree with. He thought he was more of a hovering cloud of anxiety and gloom.

But...maybe he was wrong. 

  


Letter 13 was the longest yet. 

It talked about every aspect of him, almost overwhelming Evan, making him bright red. He reread it more than any of the other previous letters. 

After getting home, he decided he needed to make a plan. 

He had to catch his admirer.

Thinking this over, it was probably a terrible idea.

Confrontation made him sick and the idea of being one-on-one with someone who he most likely didn't know, a person who would be nicer and more attractive and less anxious and weird…

Someone who had such high expectations for him. 

Someone who thought he was so many things that he wasn't. 

They would be disappointed.

  


But at least then he would know.

And, on the slim chance that the person wasn't disappointed, then...they would go from there. 

Probably. 

  


So, he planned. 

He would get up early and go to school as early as possible and wait. 

And when he saw the person, maybe he could actually be cool and say something sly like “Hey, your letters have made my day for the past two weeks, want to make my day again and be my Valentine?”

  


This was a terrible idea.

  
  
  


He was waiting behind a corner, trying to do research for a project he was working on while watching his locker for anyone at all who approached it. 

  


At 7:56, only 4 minutes until the bell rang, someone ran to his locker and hurriedly tucked a letter through the slants. 

Steeling himself, he took a breath and started pushing his way to his locker in an attempt to get to whoever had just delivered the last letter he might ever receive. 

They turned around and locked eyes with Evan. 

  


Zoe Murphy.

  
  


Stopping dead in his tracks, Evan stared at her, mouth gaping open. She just winced and rushed off, leaving him in a daze of confusion.

  
  


It wasn't a secret that Evan had liked Zoe Murphy in middle school, even through some of freshman year.

Thankfully, he'd gotten over her, realizing the attraction was more fictional than not, and bordering on unhealthy. 

She had never shown any interest in him then, only being as friendly as a stranger needed to be.

  


Until now. 

  


What did this mean? She didn't seem like the type to leave anonymous letters. She was cool enough that she could just ask somebody out. And they didn't even have any classes together, or talk! The only time she ever saw him was when he was at their house to hang out with Connor.

  


Connor. 

He'd know what to do. He'd have to have some witty remark or oddly deep sentiment about this increasingly bizarre situation. 

So, Evan did the only reasonable thing. 

He stuffed his books in his locker, grabbed the letter, and proceeded to walk out of the school's side doors, hide behind the bleachers, call Connor, and pray he wasn't going to get him in trouble for his phone going off in class.

  


“...Evan?” Connor sounded like he had been asleep and most likely sick. He was stuffy and groggy all at once.

  


“Uh, y-yeah...are you at school? I have a kind of situation a-and it involves Zoe and you always somehow know what to do?”

  


“...Zoe?  _ Fuck _ , what did she do? Evan, did she say something to you? I'm just sick at home, shit, this is why you don't trust siblings!” Connor sounded far more awake now, and less than happy.

  


“Nothing! She didn't  _ say  _ anything! I-I think...she's been the one writing the letters. I m-mean, I saw her put one in my locker and then run and maybe she saw me when you and I hung out? I don't really know, what do I do? Connor, I can't  _ date your sister! _ It's weird and I don't like her like that anymore!”

  


“You used to like  _ Zoe? _ ” 

  


“ _ Used to! _ ”

  


“Okay, I'm gonna pretend I never heard that, and move on. Let me drag my gross ass out of bed and come get you, since I doubt you're calling me from class, and then we're going to figure this out. I assume you haven't read the letter from today yet?” Evan could hear Connor shuffling around in the background getting dressed.

  


“Well, no, not yet...should I?”

  


“No! I mean, just...wait, okay? Wait until I come get you. Where are you, anyways?” Connor must have gotten dressed, because Evan could hear him leaving his house and getting into his car. 

  


“Uh, well...behind the bleachers? I can go somewhere easier for you to find…”

  


He heard Connor’s car start up.

  


“Don't worry about it, stay there. I'll come get you, okay? Just...wait to read the letter. I'll talk to you soon. Bye, Ev.”

  


Evan stared at his phone after Connor hung up and then spent his time waiting making a braid out of soft pine needles. 

He heard Connor walking before he saw him. 

“Hey, ready? Sorry I look like shit, I think I got the plague or something.”

  


Evan winced. 

“I'm sorry you had to come get me. You sort of look like...death.”

  


Blushing lightly, Connor rolled his eyes. 

“Gee, what every guy wants to hear on Valentine's day. You sure know how to woo a man.”

  


“I'm sorry!” 

  


Rolling his eyes again, Connor helped Evan up and lead him to his car. 

“I was joking, it's okay. No apology needed this time. So…you didn't read the letter, right?”

  


Evan shook his head, getting buckled and carefully knotting his little pine needle bracelet. 

“No...why, do you know what she said in it? Is it bad? Wait, did you know this whole time? And when I talked to you, you knew…”

  


“No, I didn't! I do know what's in that letter though. It isn't  _ bad _ , but...I'd rather I'm not driving when you read it.”

  


Evan sighed. 

“Sounds bad. Here, give me your hand.” 

  


Connor glanced at him incredulously. 

“You realize I'm in control of our lives, driving, right?”

  


Evan rolled his eyes and held out his hand. 

“Shut up, you're a good driver and you don't need your right hand for 5 seconds. Just do it.”

  


With a sigh, Connor held out his right hand and allowed Evan to tie the makeshift bracelet around his wrist.

“There. It'll probably fall apart soon, but...it's sort of cool, I think?”

  


Connor took a second to look at it and smiled. 

“Yeah, it is sort of cool. Thanks, Evan.”

  


They sat in mutual silence before Connor finally pulled into a small parking lot in front of a spacious park. 

“Is here okay?” 

  


Evan nodded and got out, bringing the letter with him. They walked over to a grassy area and sat with their backs against a tree.

“Am I allowed to read it yet?”

  


Connor nodded silently, focussed on his shoe laces.

  


Evan opened the letter and began reading. 

  


_ Dear Evan Hansen,  _

_ This is it.  _

_ The last letter.  _

_ Look, I really fucking like you. _

_ Every time we talk, I get those damn butterflies in my stomach. _

_ Every time you smile, I feel the need to smile too. _

_ When you talk, I can't help but hang on to your every word. _

_ Evan, I'm in love with you.  _

  


_ I never said anything to you about this because I didn't want to worry you or stress you out, so I figured you would do better with letters. If you seemed uncomfortable with them, I would stop and I would just keep it bottled up inside until it (hopefully) went away.  _

  


_ But you weren't uncomfortable. You liked them. They served their purpose of making you feel important and loved.  _

  


_ So now they serve their last purpose. To tell you who I am.  _

_ I thought you would have figured it out by now, but you haven't. Which is fine, because I got to write you more letters. But it does make my job slightly harder because now I have to tell you who I am and...I'm absolutely fucking terrified. You could hate me after this. And the thought of not getting to see you and be a part of your life sounds like hell.  _

  


_ But if you don't like me, you don't owe me anything. Please don't burden yourself with the task of protecting my feelings. I knew the risk of telling you.  _

  


_ Just know that every word I wrote is true.  _

_ I meant everything I said. _

  


_ I hope I haven't ruined your Valentine's Day. _

  


_ Sincerely,  _

_ Connor Murphy.  _

  
  


Evan read it twice before saying something, his hands shaking. 

“You?”

  


Connor was picking at his nails nervously  _ (his nervous habits, he should have known) _ . He cleared his throat carefully, stalling. 

“Me.”

  


“...how long?”

  


“What, have I liked you? Fuck, years? Since freshman year, at least. You've always been this beacon of hope in the hell of highschool. And then we became friends and got close and it just got worse. I'm sorry.”

  


Evan gently bumped against Connor. 

“That's my line. Why would you have to apologize? Connor...I've felt better than I have in a very long time because of you. And even before these letters, it was always you who made me feel better about my flaws and issues. And these letters just helped that. I felt better and happier and...I found out that this guy who I've liked for almost two years likes me back. I mean, when does that ever happen, you know?” Laughing nervously,  Evan smoothed out nonexistent wrinkles in the letter.

  


Connor had looked up at Evan, surprised. 

  


“Liked you... _ back?” _

  


Evan felt his face grow hot as he began to blush. 

“Well, yeah…you're...y’know. Cool.”

  


Connor snorted softly. 

“Glad to know my coolness is what ultimately won you over.”

  


“Not  _ just _ the coolness, also how nice you are and you care more than you show and I mean you're obviously _ attractive-" _

  


Connor was turning a shade of tomato red, no longer focussing on his nails.

“You think I'm attractive?”

  


“Well  _ yeah,  _ I'm not blind!”

  


“Are you sure about that?” 

  


Evan huffed.

“Yes! You're very handsome!”

  


Connor was still hesitant but shrugged and said, “If you say so.”, which meant Evan had won.

  


They were quiet for a few minutes, Evan moving closer to Connor, Connor gently bumping his foot against Evan's. 

  


“So…” Evan began.

  


“...yes?” Connor looked up again.

  


“...does this mean you're my Valentine, or boyfriend, or…?”

  


Connor leaned in and carefully planted a kiss on Evan's cheek.

  


“I choose all of the above.”

  


Evan blushed but mocked disgust.

“You said you have the plague!”

  


“Duh, that's why I only kissed you on the cheek. Now, let's go to my house for cartoons and holding hands. It'll be the best date you've ever had, guaranteed.”

  


Evan stood, pulling Connor up by the hand.

“It's also the  _ only  _ date I've ever had, so…”

  


“Then it'll  _ definitely  _ be the best.” Connor grinned at Evan.

He smiled back.

  


“Happy Valentine's Day, Connor.”

  


“You too, Valentine.”


End file.
